The Unanticipated Alliance of the Light Lovers
by Darkfire359
Summary: L and Mikami have a mutual love of Light, and hatred of his girlfriend, Misa. They become allies to sabotage this relationship. Filled with pranks, stalking, and more unlikely characters working together. Part L/Light and part Mikami/Light, not Mikami/L.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Unfortunately, this must be in the form of a high school fanfic. There is simply no other AU where all the characters can have such casual interaction. Because really, Misa and L cannot be in the same college. So for future reference, unless otherwise mentioned, all characters are juniors, except for Near, Mello, and Matt, who are sophomores.

* * *

It was disgusting.

It was completely, absolutely disgusting. And that was saying something considering that L could drink a glass that consisted of pure melted sugar without barfing.

What was the subject of his nausea, you ask? The answer was quite simple, even simple enough for her. Because merely listening to Misa talk for 5 seconds made L want to retch. Misa, or more specifically Misa dating Light, disturbed the black-haired teen to no end.

He peered over the book he was pretending to be reading, looking out the library's window into the hallway, and glaring at the blond model as she hugged her boyfriend, Light.

Light, who was the only one whose academic performance rivaled L's. Light, president of student council, and current school tennis champion. Light, who was the main reason that, according to L's last investigation, over 10% of the school's male population was secretly gay.

L himself was part of that 10+ percent, and he wanted nothing more than to drown Misa in a toilet so he could have the gorgeous brunette to himself.

"Awful, isn't it?" came a voice, startling the genius out of his thoughts. He turned to see Teru Mikami, one of few students who could match L's nerdiness, standing beside him.

"What does Mikami-kun mean?" L replied, not wanting to reveal his secret obsession.

"That such an undeserving girl gets the honor of dating Kami."

"Kami?" L questioned, raising a nonexistent eyebrow.

f"Light-sama," Mikami clarified, making L wonder if perhaps he did not possess the title of Light's greatest admirer.

After briefly analyzing some percentages, L decided this student was probably too insane to do anything with the knowledge of L's crush.

"It is quite awful," L agreed. "Amane-san is, in all aspects, inferior to Light-kun."

Mikami's eyes widened for a moment, no doubt do to the blasphemy of L's use of a far less devoted honorific, but he seemed to tolerate it.

"I've been planning ways to break them up for a while," Mikami admitted, "but I haven't come up with anything I think would work on my own. I think that we could be allies in this."

"So," L said, trying to come to terms with what the other student had proposed, "Mikami-kun wants me to aid him in his plot to break up Light-kun and Amane-san, undoubtedly for the purpose of dating Light-kun himself?"

"I am quite observant, L. I know of your thoughts on Kami. But you must admit, neither of us can get anywhere with the current state of things. It would be mutually beneficial for Kami's relationship with _her_ to end, and even if he ended up with the other, we would both be in a better position when Light-sama gives up the idea of liking females. Even if our status doesn't change, anyone other than," Mikami nearly hissed the name, "_Amane_ would be more tolerable."

L paused. Mikami's arguments were surprisingly convincing.

"Very well. We may join forces in this endeavor."

Mikami smirked, his eyes flashing red. He followed L's gaze to the hallway outside, watching in evil amusement instead of horror as Misa jumped up and down next to Light.

"However, I am curious about the nature of Mikami-kun's plans regarding Light-kun. Is he able to reveal them now?"

Mikami glanced around the library, and, seeing nothing in their vicinity but books, sat down next to L to divulge his grand plan.

"Okay," he whispered, pulling out a piece of paper from his backpack.

"Mikami-kun... is that Light-kun's class schedule?"

"Yep. Not only that, but his afterschool clubs, usual evening activities, and average hours of sleep," Mikami explained, showing extreme pleasure in the knowledge.

"How did Mikami-kun obtain such a thing?"

"Oh, I do my research," the bespectacled teen said knowingly. L decided to ignore his stalker-like tendencies for now.

"I've highlighted the classes Kami has with _her_ in pink, and the ones he has with me in green. You may use blue." Mikami handed L a blue highlighter, and he proceeded to mark the classes he and Light shared. When completed, the schedule looked like this:

Light-sama's Class Schedule

_Period 1 - Science (shared with Mikami)_

_Period 2 - Theatre (shared with Misa)_

_Period 3 - Math (shared with L and Mikami)_

_Period 4 - English (shared with Mikami)_

_Period 5 - History (shared with Mikami)_

_Period 6 - Computer Programming (shared with Mikami)_

_Period 7 - Japanese Literature (shared with Misa, L, and Mikami)_

"Why does Mikami-kun share six of Light-kun's classes?" L asked.

"I wanted to take advanced law, so I had to have one class without him."

"...Very well then," L stated, looking away with an odd look on his face.

"So," the future prosecutor explained, "to break them up, we will obviously need to use sabotage. And what better way to do so than to plant evidence that Amane is cheating?"

"Wait," L nearly interrupted, "one has to go about breaking up a couple in the same way they would solve a murder. You need to find the motive. Besides, I think Amane-san is far too clingy for Light-kun to believe she is cheating."

"Motive?" Mikami questioned, raising an eyebrow that actually existed.

"Yes," L explained, "We need to know why Light-kun dates Amane-san in the first place. I believe deductive reasoning will work in this case."

He turned in the rather uncomfortable sitting position to make eye contact with Mikami.

"Light-kun is obviously not dating her because of intelligence, nor witty conversation. As far as I can tell, they do not have any common interests. It is possible he is dating Amane-san to look better in comparison, but he is too amazing to really need to do so. And even if that were the case, he could have chosen someone less annoying. The only positive quality I can discern is her physical appearance. She is, as much of our high school's male population would say..."

He took a breath, the next words obviously awkward.

"...quite cute. There is an 86% chance that Light-kun is either enamored of her beauty, or more likely, using their relationship to increase his social standing. Either way, if we were to ruin Amane-san's appearance, it would cause a crippling blow to their relationship."

Mikami pondered this for a moment.

"That is good reasoning. But we need a good follow up plan, or Light-sama may simply turn to another female. I haven't yet come up with a plan to make Light realize his gayness."

"Once again, I believe this may be a matter of social status. Light-kun is very popular, and does not know how coming out of the closet will affect his reputation, even if over 10% of the males at our school are secretly gay."

"What?"

"A recent study I conducted," L clarified. "I also do not have a set plan, but if Light-kun is homosexual, there is a 37% chance that he will abandon the premise of dating girls if the entire school already believes him to be gay."

"You would deliberately hurt Kami's reputation?" Mikami asked in amazement.

"Well," L began, treading lightly (no pun intended), "I do not believe Light-kun would be as badly hurt by this as he may fear. I suspect that at least 90% of the females would find it 'adorable', and as I stated before, at least 10% of the males would be delighted with the new development. The result is that at least 50% of the school would be happier with Light-kun gay. With Light-kun's popularity, the homophobic students would not be able to mock him for long. Then there is of course the fact that our plans have little chance of success if Light-kun's sexual orientation is not made public."

"Well, if..." L clamped a hand over Mikami's mouth as another student walked past them, looking for a book. L lowered his voice to a whisper.

"Wammy's Club meets this evening after school. I believe some of the members would be able to aid us greatly. Come at 3:05; we'll need your information."

With that, L got up and walked past the other students filing into the library, leaving a slightly confused but very excited Mikami.

* * *

"Take that, Cortex! Fire breath combo!"

Matt rapidly punched buttons on his Nintendo as he waited for the other members of Wammy's Club to arrive. Although it was named after Quillish Wammy (who preferred to be called Watari), their teacher sponsor, he didn't participate much in the actual club, except to bring snacks. The actual content of the club was left up to the club's president, L.

L would bring interesting detective cases, many of which were real, and then have the members of the club solve them. When they were given a real, unsolved case, L would join in. Otherwise, the detective work was left to the clubs three other members, Matt, Near, and Mello.

Matt knew that L, Near, and Mello all loved the clubs activities (even though Mello's fascination probably had more to do with beating Near.) But Matt himself couldn't care less about solving cases. Of course, he was smart enough to contribute, but the redheaded teen would have really preferred to be at home playing video games. No, he was part of the Wammy's Club for a different reason.

You see, Matt was part of a certain 10+ percent of the school's male population, though not for Yagami Light. It was the blond student sitting in front of him, looking exceptionally hot as he was yelling at Near, who had caught Matt's eye.

"Dammit. I died," Matt grunted angrily to himself, having been killed in his game due to being distracted by the previously mentioned hot blond.

"Good," came the voice of the club's president, who had just arrived, "Because today's club meeting is particularly important."

Three heads shot up as they heard L utter the word 'important'. Matt turned off his game. Mello stopped moments from punching Near, who was actually sitting up straight to hear what their president considered 'important'. Even when they had to solve a case with a serial killer, L hadn't called it important.

"We have a guest today," L told them, nearly dragging in a tall, dark-haired man who wore glasses.

"This is Mikami-kun. However he is not important." Matt noticed 'Mikami-kun' did not protest this statement. In fact, now that Matt looked at him, he was pretty sure that they were in the same computer programming class.

"Previously," L continued, "you have done all of the casework from within this room. I am offering you a chance to put your skills to use in the field, and on a very important mission." Matt and Mello were almost jumping in their seats from excitement at this, and even Near looked intrigued.

"The plan I have developed involves cell phone hacking, throwing mud, and catapult design." L looked at Matt, Mello, and Near respectively as he stated the components. Matt noticed a slight change in L's normally emotionless voice, and wondered what could actually excite the insomniac.

"So what is all this for?" Matt asked, actually interested.

"If Matt-kun must know, the goal is to break Light Yagami and his girlfriend up, and make him admit to being gay."

"So you can go out with him yourself?" Mello questioned.

"That would be the ideal outcome of this, yes," L admitted.

"Then what's he doing here?" Mello said, pointing to Mikami.

"Mikami-kun possesses crucial knowledge about Light-kun that would take far too long to otherwise obtain," L answered, turning to the other dark-haired student, "The schedule, please."

Mikami nervously handed L a large piece of paper, which he then taped to the classroom's white board.

"This is a copy of Light-kun's class schedule, as well as outside of school schedule. Highlight the classes you share with him."

Mello and Matt got up, and got yellow and purple highlighters from Mikami. Near remained seated, stating that he didn't have any classes with Light. Matt marked computer programming, and Mello marked theatre. Matt then drew a small Pac-man picture for good measure.

"Mello-kun is the only one of us in theatre with Light-kun. Therefore, he must keep us informed on any crucial interactions between Misa Amane and Light-kun. Now, for the plan."

"According to this schedule, Light-kun has tennis practice every Friday after school. This is an ideal time for Matt-kun to pick the lock on his gym locker, and program in a highly embarrassing ringtone on his cell phone. I trust Matt-kun can set the ringtone to only go off for certain callers, so Light-kun does not discover it too early."

"Yep."

"Good. After tennis practice tomorrow, Light-kun will be attending a party that consists of most of the school's 'popular' students. It is an ideal time for Matt-kun to activate the ringtone, of course using an untraceable line."

Matt nodded. The whole task was rather simple, other than the fact that he would have to sneak into the gym locker area. If he were discovered, there would be few plausible excuses; Matt hadn't even gone near the gym for the entire year, for anything. And that included assemblies.

"... And Near-kun should have no problems with the catapult design."

Matt blinked. He had tuned out for a bit there.

"Mello-kun is of course the most qualified to use the catapult. He should aim specifically at Amane-san's face, especially her hair. Multiple mud balls can be launched, but Mello-kun must not be discovered."

"If someone does find me, can I just knock them out?" Mello asked.

"It is preferable to avoid detection altogether, but Mello-kun may use violence if necessary."

"Awesome!" came the blond's response.

"Remember that this is just the initial plan," L reminded them, "and subsequent actions will be determined based on the response and success of the plan. We will meet again this Saturday at the Koukai Toshokan Library at 4:00 to discuss future actions. The information portion of Wammy's Club has now ended. You are free to work on your own individual cases."

Near quickly whipped out a piece of graph paper, and began sketching out the catapult, while Mello, having little he could do to prepare, got out last week's case. Matt supposed that he could be thinking up a plan to infiltrate the gym lockers, but at the moment playing his DS seemed a lot more interesting.

Mikami quickly left the room, showing no emotion, although probably slightly upset that he was almost completely ignored in the speech. However, L remained within the room, eating a piece of cake that Watari had surreptitiously brought in, though it was a mystery as to whether he was thinking about the plan, a case, or a new ice cream flavor.

Dammit. Matt had died again in his video game. Maybe being observant wasn't such a great quality for a gamer. But Matt couldn't stop himself from looking at their club president's rare smile, and he knew that whatever happened, tomorrow would be very interesting.

* * *

Author's Note 2: At this point I just want to say that THIS HAS BEEN BETAED BY THE AMAZING ZENA SILVERWING! She is the author of the awesome story known as Life Note. Hopefully her greatness will rub off on me. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Teru Mikami had been nervous the entire day. Not about L's plan; he did not doubt the genius's intelligence when it came to such matters. Rather, he was worried that L would work too well.

Before Mikami had allied himself with L, he had been sure that he had the upper hand. He had been Light's most devoted follower (read: stalker) for years now, and probably knew more about his god's life than Light himself. He knew that L would be clever, but he had not expected the teen to have his own minions for Kami's sake.

Mikami's train of thought wavered for a moment as he lapsed into a brief daydream about being Light's minion. Maybe he could to lick Light's shoes clean, or wash his underwear. Perhaps he could even offer himself as a portable tissue...

But back to the issue at hand.

L was planning far more quickly than Mikami could have anticipated, and the current plan looked deceivingly simple. He couldn't help but feel that he was being left out, and not just because L hadn't once asked his opinion during the entire Wammy's meeting.

But perhaps worse than any of that was the fact that L had forbidden him from watching Light play tennis today. They had to remain "inconspicuous," he had said. Mikami didn't believe that for an instant. After all, he had secretly watched almost every one of Light's tennis matches. Wouldn't it be more suspicious if he suddenly didn't? Light was probably smart enough to have realized his presence by now. Maybe he actually enjoyed having Mikami there.

Besides, the future prosecutor certainly wasn't going to miss a chance to see Light all sweaty and in shorts.

So like he always did, Mikami Teru snuck into the bushes near the tennis court, got out his binoculars, and set to watching the match.

* * *

The air was suffocating the young redhead as he tried desperately to air out his long-sleeved shirt. Why didn't locker rooms have air conditioning? You'd think it would be especially important with all the people hot and sweaty from their awful sports. Matt personally thought it would be simpler to just stay inside all day. In emergencies, Wii Fitness and Dance Dance Revolution would suffice.

Nevertheless, the gamer persevered, trying to imagine he was in a video game, surrounded by lava, and he had to get to a treasure chest, which in this case was Light's locker, #5472. Another thing that didn't make sense: there were not 5472 lockers.

Eventually braving the perilous lava realm, Matt arrived at Light's locker. Matt had asked that weird guy, Mikami, in computer class today what Light's gym locker combination was, and surprisingly enough, he had it memorized. What. A. Freak.

46-24-29. Sure enough, the lock clicked open, and Matt immediately searched for a cell phone. He quickly found it, and immediately went to the ringtone section.

Hmmm. Embarrassing and gay sounding songs... Matt smiled. He had the perfect idea. Many of the girls he knew would be embarrassed to have it on their phone. He then programmed in the number of one of his anonymously purchased phones. 588-7635. Why did Matt have anonymously purchased phones, you ask? Well, that was classified.

There. Simple. He closed the locker door, ready to leave...

"Hehehe. That dork Hatari just doesn't know when to give up."

Upon hearing voices, Matt immediately hid beneath a bench. It wasn't an exaggeration to say it was extremely suspicious for him to be anywhere near the gym.

"Yeah. You think he's gonna rat us out to a teacher?"

"Pfft. Not unless he wants to get beat up again."

At this point Matt was able to place the voices as Rod Ross and Jack Neylon, two of the school's most notorious bullies. Not good. If found, they'd beat him up immediately on grounds of being a geek, and rumors (albeit true rumors) that he was gay. Although they were thoroughly afraid of Mello, Matt was completely fair game.

"It's surprising that some guys still don't pay their 'protection taxes'. You'd really think they'd know better."

Matt shuddered as they mentioned the topic. 'Protection taxes' had been invented by Rod's not-quite-a-gang to routinely get money out of 'dorks' as payment for not getting beaten up. Matt himself had suffered them for a brief period of time, before causing total electrical failure in Rod's house. This meant that although he had made them stop routinely bullying him, he had also made them hate him intensely. This was definitely not a good situation to be in...

_Plomp!_

If as he suspected, that was the sound of one of them sitting on the very bench he was hiding under, it was an even worse situation. Matt didn't need L to know that he had a low probability of getting out of this undetected. So Matt did the only thing he could. He got out his iTouch and turned on a sound grenade app.

_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!_

"Oh, God, what is that awful sound?"

"I dunno, let's just get out of here!"

Matt heard them run out of the locker room, and several seconds later, he turned the app off, then snuck back into the main hallway. Ah, the glory of technology.

Stage 1 complete, he only had to wait for the cue to call Light's phone.

* * *

Why did Near have to be so good at everything he did? Why? Well, Mello could tell you exactly why. It was because he was Near.

It was because he was Near that given only one evening to make a catapult capable of launching mud, Near would not only complete the task, but he would make it so his catapult could win in pretty much any trajectory competition a high school could offer. He would also add in plenty of handy features.

Mello, anticipating that he would need to do more than just operate simple machinery, had brought along a bucket of high quality mud. But Near taunted him yet again by designing his catapult to suck up dirt from the very ground it was placed upon, and by simply adding water, produce mud balls of the optimum flying and splattering abilities.

Naturally, Mello was fuming when the sheep had produced his magnificent invention. Even in a simple task like this, Near just had to completely outshine him in L's eyes. But Mello had no choice but to take the device, wheel it over to the location of the party (yes, Near had put wheels on it), and carefully position it out of sight, but with a direct line of sight to the entrance.

The blond sat down, still fuming, and waited for the guests to arrive. Somehow, he had to outshine the little albino. Somehow, he had to impress L more. But what could he do? In what area was he superior to Near?

Then Mello realized it. He could improvise. The sheep had to have everything planned out, but Mello could make split-second decisions. So he made one then.

The leather-clad teen reached into his backpack, pulled out a full pack of bubblegum, and stuck all ten pieces in his mouth. The plan was simple; he would get the gum wad nice and soft, then when the target arrived, fire it before the mud. It was riskier, sure. The gum might not stick. But if it did, Misa would be forced to cut off anything the gum touched. It would completely ruin her hair.

Soon enough, Mello saw Misa walk up the front driveway. He plucked the gum from his mouth, readied it to fire, and at optimum range, flung it at the young model.

"Eeewww!" she screeched, almost as if she had stepped on a piece of cake. Her hand flew to her head, trying to get the pink substance out of her hair, but only making it worse. Meanwhile, Mello was reloading with the planned mud.

_Whoooosh!_

The brown mixture of dirt and water, annoyingly arranged by Near in just the right portions, soared though the air, hitting her in the face.

"Ahhhh!"

Although Misa herself was temporarily blinded by mud, some of her friends were looking towards where the projectiles had come from, albeit at a distance. After all, mud splattered.

Mello knew he should really be leaving, but he couldn't resist firing one more shot at the top of her head, to cover what the gum had missed.

Unfortunately, he was already moving the catapult back at that point, and shot was slightly off. Instead of hitting its intended target, the missile veered to the left, hitting... Halle Lidner.

"Oops," Mello said to himself. As far as the popular students went, he actually kind of liked Halle. More importantly, she kept him up to date on the latest rumors and gossip, and it would be a great blow to him if his primary information source decided to stop informing him. Now, all the more reason to get out undetected.

Mello briefly debated internally about whether or not to leave the catapult. It could roll fairly quickly, but it definitely slowed him down, and some people were starting to come in his direction.

But then again, his fingerprints were all over it, and anyone who even dabbled in investigational skills could pin the attack on him. Plus, even it was made by Near, it was a pretty nice piece of equipment, and Mello liked the thought of being able to use it in future endeavors. Decisions, decisions...

In the end, Mello decided to just take the catapult with him. He turned the corner around a house just in time to avoid being seen. At this point, people probably wouldn't investigate too much further, and his escape would be simple. He would be out of sight for good.

Then he felt a cloth covering his nose and mouth. He was no stranger to fighting, and immediately tried to disable his attacker, but the whole escape process meant that he was breathing heavily, and the cloth effectively cut off his supply of oxygen.

Mello kept on struggling until he fell unconscious. A person whose face was obscured by shadows slowly dragged him into the back door of the nearby building, leaving Near's catapult abandoned behind him.

* * *

Author's Note: Again, thanks to the amazing Zena Silverwing for betaing. In case anyone was wondering, the numbers in this fic do have special meanings. Let's see, Light's locker is 5472, his combination is 46-24-29, and Matt's phone number is 588-7635. I'll send a virtual cookie to anyone who can figure one or more of them out. ;)


End file.
